its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
