drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
