if i can run in heels then i can drive
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
