Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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