Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
