The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
