End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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