Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
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