"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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