You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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