I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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