i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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