I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
