bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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