he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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