So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
