my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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