okay pat passed out under dana's car
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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