Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
