Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
