Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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