At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
