I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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