chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
