Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
