You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
