shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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