yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
