You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
