I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Randomize
