I CAN MOONWALK!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
