Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
