just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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