When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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