i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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