It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
