i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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