physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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