Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
