1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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