You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
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