i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
