the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
