I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
