When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We need a shit load of segways right now
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
