I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
