guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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