So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
