New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
