are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
