Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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